Super Size Shelly

Please excuse this post as I am going to take a minute and unleash everything in my head in hopes of sorting myself out. I am sure while venting things will skip around a lot since I tend to go off subject quit often lol I am just feeling... OFF, I guess you could say and need to find my way back to ON. Also please excuse my language as I do not care to censor myself on my personal pages. If you don't like it you don't have to read it. Another thing please take a moment to spread my page and always feel free to comment. That's what keeps me accountable and keeps me foraging on, is all my fantastic readers and of course my ladies at mama laughlins fit camp! onward:

I am so stressed out and overwhelmed lately. I feel like I have so much going on or nothing at all. I am starting to feel like I am of no importance to anyone even though I know for a fact that is not true in anyway shape or form. I try not to be a negative Nancey so very much but I guess I just can't help it sometimes. Cory is having a rough time with his divorce and the Army so that weighs heavily on me because I just want him happy and hate seeing him down, sad, or stressed. Then there are the financial issues that will become less strenuous come February but until then we are scraping buy. There are things we NEED, such as new phones... mine has been turning off if its not plugged in and wont let me press certain buttons and Cory is on his old one with no signal, I have lost so much weight I need new undergarments... but I am just going to have to wait it out. This is called life. I have to find a way to come up with an extra $200 to finish paying the house taxes so I am selling everything I possibly can to come up with it. I even cleaned out our change Jar and left myself an I.O.U. for $45. I am doing what I can to get by and pay our bills. What I don't understand is why people are so rude. for example I do photography on the side. I do decent work nothing professional by far, I am an amateur. My prices reflect that. I have never pretended to be something I am not and not once have I ever said I was professional. I do have many years experience. I try not to let things bother me and to each there own. I do hear professional photographers being not so professional and bitching about people like me but guess what not everyone can afford those pricey prices. I am not knocking your prices though you worked to get them that high, you have schooling of some sort and experience. Some people however prefer the underdog who is trying to learn and so do their wallets. I prefer someone more affordable that will give me all the photos... I personally refuse to pay $80 for 10  photos. I understand the quality over quantity saying I totally get it. I am not saying I have quality work I am saying my work is decent and affordable to people like myself and you get a quantity of photos. to each their own, I will try not to let things like that bother me.   Another thing bothering me is how shitty of a fur-mom I am... I have 4 dogs, 2 of which I just can not handle. We have had to kennel the pits or they fight each other so we chose the safe than sorry route and let them out in intervals. That is NO way for animal to live. I haven't had any luck in finding charlie a home yet and people keep flagging my ad's for what reason I don't know since I meet all the guidelines. I am trying to do right buy the dogs and not be selfish. I told Cory if he doesn't train Stark he will be re-homed too because I can not live this way and I will not have Re-Re & JJ hurt, I have had them 4 years longer. I feel helpless. I should have know how much harder it was to care for a large dog. We still haven't finished the fence but I am hoping this weekend we can get a make shift one up so that when we go on holiday with my aunt, uncle and cousin I will feel safer knowing the dogs cant run away in case they don't listen to the caretaker. I am praying we re-home Charlie before then though so it will be  a smigit easier. I still have the cabinets to put back up but I can't do it alone, Hopefully someone will help me finish so I can finish painting! Plus that will clear up a ton of clutter in the storage room, the room I want to turn into our home gym. We pretty much have been at a stand still because of always being so tired or doing something else. I am worried about trying to see my sister for Christmas but I don't think we are going to be able to swing it this year. We just can't afford it and I hate to borrow money. I was raised a independent woman, being dependent sucks my soul away. I hate to think I have to ask someone for help to even finish paying the house taxes but I know I can pay it back come feb. when I start school. I have decided to go to our local community college for medical office administration aka secretary, during my time in school thanks to my father I receive ch.35 VA benefits and I should qualify for Financial Aid as well. Which I need to head up to the school and get started in enrolling and what not! another stressor... I know my father wanted me to do school, I know I need to. I am afraid Ill suck, but I need to take advantage of my benefits while I still have them and put them to good use after all that's why my father spent 22 years in the Army ending up medically discharged with 100% disability. Every little thing has been bothering me lately and I finally realized it is because I miss my dad and its coming up on the 1 year mark. My little sister is moving next month and I have to find a new roommate to replace her and come up with the extra money for house bills until we do. When she moves, we will move into that room and then tear out the carpet in there and lay the vinyl we have left then move someone in. lots to do that feels like it takes forever or that it will never happen. well this is already long enough and I need to switch out dogs. So thanks for letting me vent peeps:)